031 - [trapped in a maze of relationships]

[tsuntempesta]

[Someone else seemed lost in the fog. . .and he seemed absolutely frantic over it. Not over himself however, but for someone else.]

". . .JUUDAIME!! JUUDAIME!!"

[The cries were loud, and there was a noticeable trill of fear in them. He sounded almost as if he were in tears. . .]

". . . J-Juudaime. . I don't. . . don't leave me. . .W-Where. . .!!" 

[Those were definitely some sobs now. Something was very clearly wrong, here. . .]

Comments

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

[He'll allow it, because he's a little distracted with you being upset right now and that odd eye color hasn't fully registered just yet. And as for that tighter grip, he's just going to figure it's because you're freaked out.]

I'm fine... [He's threading his fingers through your hair, petting you a little to try and calm you more, even if he's somewhat tense in your grip himself. Whatever the hell is going on lately, he doesn't like it.] Nothing happened to you, did it?

[smokin-bomb-59.livejournal.com]

[He shook his head in response to that, nuzzling a little into that petting. His grip on you hasn't loosened though.]

" . . I-I was just. . .a-afraid. . I thought. . .I thought. . Juudaime left me. . again. . . and I. . I don't want to be alone. . ."

[His voice was just a pathetic whimper with that statement.]

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

[You might be breaking his heart a little there. He'll keep petting you while you speak, pausing a moment at the end to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.]

I'm not going anywhere, Hayato... You don't have to worry...

[smokin-bomb-59.livejournal.com]

" . . You've said that before. . and you. . left anyways. . ."

[There was an odd sort of tone in that - a tone he certainly wouldn't have normally used with Tsuna.]

". . .W-When Takeshi. . ."

[He didn't want to continue that, but he was referring to the murder incidents.]

". . . y-You told me. . . that you weren't going. . anywhere. . That you wouldn't leave me. . . But you still. . . you still did. . ."

[His grip seemed to tighten a little more with this.]

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, Hayato, I-- [...There might have been an uncomfortable shift in your grip there, but he's still going to wrap his arms around you in turn.] If I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have, but...

<--- The TYE is a mist illusion.

[smokin-bomb-59.livejournal.com]

" . . You really don't get it, do you?"

[He's seeming almost angry now. Quite angry, actually.]

". . .Everything I do, I do for you. All I've ever wanted in return is for you to trust me! To stay with me! . . . The first time you left me - when you deceived us - me - I fell apart. I felt like I'd lost everything. I started to live only to get revenge for your 'death'. Even with Takeshi's attempts to make things better. . . I honestly didn't know what to do with myself. -- AND IN THE END, IT WAS JUST BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T TRUST ME! WHY DID YOU EVEN MAKE ME YOUR RIGHT HAND IF YOU COULDN'T EVEN TRUST ME?!"

[His grip might actually be painfully tight at this point.]

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

[You may as well have slapped him across the face for the stricken look that outburst gets you, and for a moment he simply freezes. Because this is exactly the type of reaction he'd been afraid of getting (expected to get in truth, however, from at least one of those that were lied to) concerning his 'death.' Not that he can blame you for being angry, but even so...]

It wasn't like-- I just... [He's more or less at a loss now as to where to even start.]

[smokin-bomb-59.livejournal.com]

<". . . YOU JUST 'WHAT' EXACTLY, SAWADA? TCH! YOU PROBABLY KNEW THAT I'D JUST MAKE UP SOME EXCUSE FOR IT. . .! WE ALL FUCKING KNOW THERE'S NO WAY I'D ALLOW MYSELF TO BE MAD AT PRECIOUS JUUDAIME."

[Even the way he says 'Juudaime' comes off as nothing more than malice. Your response (or lack thereof) just seemed to have pissed him off more.]

". . .AND HELL, WHY NOT JUST TELL ME THAT I WASN'T DEPENDABLE? IT'S NOT LIKE I DON'T ALREADY KNOW! I SCREW UP EVERY SITUATION IN THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE! HA! I BET YOU CAN'T EVEN NAME A SINGLE SITUATION WHERE I ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED AT SOMETHING! SO TELL ME, JUUDAIME."

[His voice quiets down a little, but there's a mixture of fear and anger still in his tone.]

" . .. why. . . did you allow me to be your right hand man if you can't trust me? Why, when I'm so unreliable? . . . Why. . . didn't you pick Takeshi. . .who's so much more qualified for the position?">

[. . .Whether or not you've noticed it, the sound of his and your voice has attracted someone else. He's half afraid by how you might respond. . .but. . . part of him really wants to know. . . how you'd answer that. . . So he's going to try to linger right outside your plane of sight - probably not too difficult given the fog. It was something that he has wondered for quite some time. .. But has always been too afraid to ask.]

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

[...Yeah, it's safe to say that other self of yours has all of his attention, so you can lurk all you like.]

...You defeated Levi and saved Lambo's life in the battle for the Sky ring. You've saved me at least three times. It wasn't out of lack of trust or faith that I didn't tell you.

[There's a pause here, and for a moment it might not seem like you're going to get more of an answer. But before you decide to explode again, he'll have straightened out the explanation.]

And...it's because I don't think that Takeshi is more qualified. I know that things rarely seem to go your way, but... If things were based solely on track record, I wouldn't have even been considered for successor, let alone given a chance to prove it. It doesn't matter if you have a perfect record or not--I don't care.

The fact is that you've still always known more about this life than myself or any of the other Guardians. You were in the family long before I'd even heard of it. You hold the position you do because that's where I need you to be.

[smokin-bomb-59.livejournal.com]

" . . J-Juudaime. . ." [. . It's not his Shadow that had spoken up first and this other Gokudera seemed quite touched by those words. They meant. . .quite a bit to him, honestly. . .]

<[ . . .Not that the Shadow seemed too pleased by the fact he was here.]

". . Didn't I already take care of you?"

[His grip on Tsuna tightened quite a bit as he glared at his other half.]>

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

Hayato? What-- [He'll be glancing between the two of you for a moment before attempting to get some amount of breathing room between your Shadow and himself.]

[smokin-bomb-59.livejournal.com]

" . . . You said you were me, right? So you know as well as I do that death isn't final here. I suggest you release Juudaime."

<[. . The Shadow is going to attempt to hold to you tighter, narrowing his eyes at the other Gokudera.]

". . . I'm never letting Juudaime go. . . ! (...I don't want to be alone...). . . I WON'T LET HIM LEAVE ME AGAIN!"

[The Shadow was trembling now, maybe out of anger. . . But more likely than not it was fear. Not of his other self, but fear of being alone. . .]>

[sky-ringed.livejournal.com]

Hayato... [It's your Shadow that he's focused on again--his hands cupping the other's cheeks and trying to redirect attention back to himself.] I know that I've made mistakes, but... Is it too late for you to trust me?